Fucking hell.
Ok so I have spent the past two whole years hating my dad's guts for being an alcoholic, and after a large number of maggots, sexy policemen, ambulances, social workers, court cases and an injunction I had not seen my dad for two months, which was fine by me - I didn't want anything to do with him - then yesterday, when Paul came round he decided to knock on the door, all sobered up and clean shaven with new clothes, still with his walking stick looking extremely skinny. He dropped off some christmas presents. I wasn't particularly polite to him either, I greeted him with a marvellous "what the fuck do you think you're doing here?". So I thought my whole family had forgotten about me, my mum has made this so hard for me, I love her to bits but it's so hard not talking to my other side of the family, they haven't been particularly polite to her but like they haven't been nasty to me - I don't hate them, I can't help it but I don't hate them - I don't even think I properly hate my dad. The issue was that I'd just got to a point where I didn't care anymore because I had to go along with what my mum said, otherwise it would have just caused more problems and arguments but omg I just don't know, but I feel so guilty sometimes, espcially to my other family, like just not my aunt put a card through the door and I looked out the window to see who it was, and she smiled at me - and I just closed the curtain on her I feel so bad. And guess what my dad has actually got me for christmas, an ipod touch which costs £165, he could have used that money for rent for a month somewhere cheap, he shouldn't have got me that. He put the reciept in my mum's card and I know he hasn't got me a present for the past two years but it's still too much and I feel so rude and guilty. Tomorrow I think I'm going to write some cards for my family, though I can't tell my mum because that's like betraying her really.
It's times like this that I feel so terrible :/ When it's not christmas everything is fine.
That is why I hate christmas. Not including the annoying covers of legendary christmas songs by RnB arstists, such as Beyoncι - yes she has a gorgeous voice but we already have Mariah Carey pissing us off enough.
